A Season of Change
There is something about autumn that makes change impossible to miss. The air becomes cooler, the days grow shorter, and the landscape around us begins to look different. And if we slow down enough to notice, the changing season can remind us of the changes happening in our own lives, too.
There are some seasons of our lives we see coming. We choose them, prepare for them, and look forward to them. Others arrive before we feel ready. They seem to sneak up on us when we aren’t looking and may catch us off guard. Either way, change often asks us to leave something familiar behind and step into something new—and, even when the change is a positive one, that isn’t always easy.
Why Change Can Feel So Uncomfortable
Most of us find comfort in what we know. A favorite sweater, a familiar routine, schedules we’re prepared for. Even when something in our lives isn’t perfect, there can be a sense of security in its familiarity. We know what to expect. Change takes some of that certainty away and asks us to move forward without necessarily knowing what comes next. And that uncertainty can feel scary.
The reality is change is an unavoidable part of life. Sometimes it happens gradually, and sometimes life seems to change all at once. Our relationships shift, our families move forward, careers take unexpected turns, people we love may come and go, our bodies change, and the roles we’ve held (sometimes for years) may begin to look different. Sometimes we simply realize that something that was once comfortable in our lives no longer fits the way it once did.
But herein lies the rub. Change is also a necessary and important part of growth. It can open the door to new experiences, new relationships, and even new ways of understanding ourselves. Sometimes life changes around us and our only option is to learn how to change along with it. Growth doesn’t mean we have to welcome change. Or pretend that it isn’t difficult. It simply means recognizing that, even in seasons we didn’t choose, there may be room for something new to blossom.
Sometimes we choose change. Sometimes change chooses us.
And with those changes often comes something we don’t talk about enough: grief.
Even Good Changes Can Come with Loss
We tend to think of grief as something that follows a painful loss. But grief can also find its way into changes we wanted, hoped for, and even celebrated. The excitement of getting married can also mean saying goodbye to a certain kind of independence. Having a baby can bring tremendous joy while changing the life you knew before. Watching your children grow and create lives of their own can fill you with pride while leaving you missing the years when they needed you differently. A new job or opportunity can bring hope and anticipation, while still requiring you to leave people, places, routines, or even a version of yourself that felt more familiar.
Moving toward something new often means letting go of something else.
And it’s more than okay to feel that loss. Feeling sad about what you’re leaving behind doesn’t mean you’re any less grateful for what may lie ahead.
There Is Room for Both
One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves during a season of change is to allow ourselves to have mixed feelings.
Two things can be true at the same time.
You can be excited about what is coming and sad about what you’re leaving. You can feel hopeful and anxious. You can know that a change is right for you and still miss what you had before.
We sometimes think that only one emotion can exist at once. Or that one feeling is betraying the other. That if we’re grateful for what’s ahead, we shouldn’t be sad about what we’re leaving behind. That if we chose a new direction, we shouldn’t struggle with it. But our emotions rarely that simple.
Giving ourselves permission to hold both feelings can make change a little easier to navigate. We don’t have to rush ourselves through the uncomfortable parts or talk ourselves out of what we feel. There is no need to silence those emotions that also need a voice. We can give ourselves some grace while we adjust to the newness unfolding.
It’s important that you give yourself some grace during that in-between time. You don’t have to immediately push forward or convince yourself that you should be happy because the change is a good one. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling and allow yourself time to adjust and adapt.
In every season we asked to let go of something in order to make room for something new.
Every Season Holds Something New
Autumn itself reminds us of this. You may look forward to cooler days and upcoming holidays, while still missing the warmth and long evenings of summer. We don’t have to dislike the season we’re leaving to welcome the one that comes next. And you don’t have to stop loving what came before in order to open the next door and move forward. Sometimes we can become so focused on the door that is closing behind us that we forget to look toward the one that may be opening up ahead.
Whatever season of life you find yourself in right now, give yourself time to adjust to what is changing. Like any season, there may be loss, but there can also be growth. And while you may not yet know what lies beyond the next door, there are still wonderful parts of your story to be told.
Each season of our lives holds its own beauty, its own challenges, and its own blessings.
And perhaps that is something to be hopeful for.
Written by Mary Claire Kerwin, LCSW
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This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. If you are experiencing an emergency, contact 911 or 988.